


Temperature

by hakuzo_k



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-10 00:26:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2003772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hakuzo_k/pseuds/hakuzo_k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As much as youkai are different, they can share a lot with humans. You wouldn't think that youkai could feel warm, or that humans could feel cold. These temperatures are based on their moral nature.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ogata

I thought I could trust in this power when meeting Ogata. Expectedly, she was skeptical of me, like the rest of the student body. I even kicked her away the time a youkai was looming over us. But she acknowledged me, talked to me more than most classmates ever did.

I'm thought to be a problem child, the delusional and compulsive liar, bartered and thrown among relatives (that were welcome when I arrived when I was younger, but now am nothing more than the disturbed child of their brother, uncle, or cousin).

I felt her temperature for the first time when we shared an umbrella. It had been so long since I experienced something, as simple as this, so warm, friendly, albeit a little nervous. But as quickly and pleasantly as it came, guilt shocked through when her mother saw us. No doubt she had also heard rumors of me, passing them on to Ogata.

The warmth had already faded before she left my side.

The last time I saw her was when the window was smashed in by a youkai that was targeting me. I was to be sent to the office (as I often would be for false destructive behavior), but Ogata argued for my case.

It was smashed from the outside.

I smiled to her, a little sadly. "It's okay."

I had to move schools since that incident. I appreciated her kindness and justice. Anywhere I go, I would be hated but,

_I hoped to meet more warm people like her._

Then I was soon acquainted with the Fujiwara.


	2. Fujiwara

The fleeting touch of Fujiwara Touko's hand crumbled what little hardened resolve I mustered since moving to Kumamoto. She somehow recognized me, acknowledged with a kind greeting. (She was so warm, so tempting to reach for again.)

Her husband was a relative of my father. With a smile, void of pity and irritation, she offered me to move into the Fujiwara household.

I thanked her—

(Why would someone invite such a person like me into their home? I see and hear things no one else can. I had been compulsively lying since I was a child. I bring misfortune and burdens to those around me.)

—and declined.

Such a untainted person shouldn't be burdened with my curse,

no matter how much I ached for a welcoming home.

 

When I woke in the hospital, she was there with her husband, both of them against my bedside. They expressed their genuine worry and care.

I didn't understand why they would selflesslygrieve for my state. Why.

Tears, that I had held for so long, blur my vision, warming my eyes.

"I want to go home with you."

Since then, days became warmer. No doubt there were cold spots here and there with their absence, but never directly from Touko or Shigeru.

Warmth enveloped me whenever I entered the house, filled with Touko's busying and Shigeru's smiles.

No longer did I crave a long lost kindness.


	3. Sensei

It's surprising when a youkai emits warmth. Though, part of the reason may be due to his vessel form of a cat.

Upon meeting him in his beast state, a sharp chill surged through me when his claw pinned me down. A feral, menacing look was default on this form, seemingly contemptible and unapproachable.

It started like that, intentions selfish and concern seemingly distant. But the ice melted quickly. If I said anything of the sort to him, he'd question my intelligence.

I'm not too concerned about that.

He would emanate an embracing kind of warmth (the kind Touko and Shigeru show and give me), with yapping, purring, or a growl.

I'm not a softie, he would say.

So I don't make known the blooming aura that surrounds him.


	4. Friends

There's nothing but warmth when I'm near my friends. I don't need to touch them to feel this. Our shoulders could be near, a brushing of fingers when passing a workbook, a smile from a distance. Their warmth exceeds the physical, reaching, embedding, and living within.

Tanuma and Taki know of my unique ability and accept me, both understanding by their own fleeting experiences with ayakashi. A touch of either of their hands burns deeply into me, through nerves and bone and blood, elating my mind and heart.

As for Kitamoto, Nishimura, and Sasada, they don't know about this. I lie and never disclose. They're warm now, but I'm afraid it may turn otherwise if they ever know.

Taki and Tanuma understand this, and they reassure. I can't help but gradually listen to their uplifting hope, noticing the others' attitudes towards me, with me, and away from me.

Although, they're uninformed of this, of something I found hindering, a small part of me, a small belief, remains kindled by the reassurance of their warmth that we'll remain friends.


	5. Natori

It was a dull temperature when he caught me from falling. Dull throbs of a struggling temperature. He was charming and friendly because of the first meeting. But he's not really friendly, at most it's politeness.

I wondered why his warmth and coldness thrummed at the same time.

Discord.

They always caused him trouble, he told me. But at the same time, humans did too. It's hard to trust.

I wasn't able to touch Natori often, but the more I encountered him, the lesser thrums of confusion I felt. It was a weak, growing warmth. Still so careful not to trust easily, but gradually filtering it in small durations.

He wants strength like me, to trust like me, he tells me when we were trapped in an ayakashi mansion. It's something I shouldn't question or throw away. He smiles sadly.

But he tries, I know that. Whenever he pats my arm, catches my fall, a stronger warmth tingles at the surface of mine.

Hiiragi, the youkai that became Natori's shiki after I begged him not to exorcise her, also comments on this. She describes him as softer.

I think it over, and eventually agree in my mind. Softer isn't necessarily weak, it's a tentative warmth. What Natori has is becoming stronger than that.


	6. Matoba

His is one of the most dangerous I've encountered. An icy cold, shattering and halting enough to make my heart skip a beat. The first time I met him, his hands were around my neck with harsh intentions.

The bit of warmth I felt at a fleeting proximity was hard to believe at first. He despises youkai, he indefinitely made that known. When it comes to humans, something changes. Distant and neither warm or cold at first. I ache to feel something known, but it's zero gravity. I search for a temperature to feel, but I don't know its location, and sometimes I am jabbed with a surge of ice.

It's later, much later, that I'm able to locate the escaping warmth.

I agree to help Matoba catch a youkai targeting his clan. Undercover as a shiki of his, he writes a charm on my hand that could expose the youkai. His thoughts are cold in the beginning, no doubt focusing his plans on the youkai causing trouble.

When the conversation turns to humans, the cold instantly thaws. The air around him warms just slightly, his words signifying his care for (at least a few) humans. By mentioning Natori's gecko, a lukewarm gravity, with pricks of cold, engulfs my senses.

I don't suggest or question about his quick dismissal of my curiosity. I find something else more interesting, new to this ability I have.

With some people, I don't need to touch them at all to feel their temperature. I don't know if it has to do with spiritual power or the strength of the emotions supporting it.


	7. Youkai

Youkai are rarely seen by humans nowadays. They are nothing but folklore and superstitions, invisible to most. But humans are always physical, not a fleeting theory nor a circumstantial existence.

You would think that youkai and humans would feel differently. I discovered, overtime, that it depends on their experiences. They influence and shape one's being, their morality, thoughts, desires, and pursuits.

That is why some youkai are warmer than others, as some humans are colder than others. One would think that a spiritual existence would be cold since it is the entire opposite of a human existence. That isn't always the case. I have met many cold and unfriendly people. I have met many warm and kind spirits.

But I know I can't always depend on it. The warmth can turn cold so easily, so unexpectedly. It can be just as bad or as worse than the initial cold. And even that first perceived cold can turn warm. It seems helpful, but I take care to mind clouded judgment.

It keeps me careful and hopeful. Don't instill blind trust. Keep in mind one's unsaid feelings or experiences. People change. Youkai change. I can change.

In the beginning, I used it as a warning tool, thought of it as a hindrance like my Sight, but it is a gift I can learn from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the very uneventful ending; it was just a collection of small stories in the end. Thank you for reading!


End file.
